Saturday, May 7, 2011

They're witty!!!


(ACTUAL MAINTENANCE COMPLAINTS SUBMITTED BY QANTAS' AIRLINE PILOTS & THE SOLUTIONS RECORDED BY MAINTENANCE ENGINEERS. )


 
Qantas Pilot: Noise under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding with a hammer. Service Engineer: Took hammer away from midget.
Qantas Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Service Engineer: Cat installed.
Qantas Pilot: Target radar hums. Service Engineer: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Qantas Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Service Engineer: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Qantas Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Service Engineer: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Qantas Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Service Engineer: Suspect you're right.
Qantas Pilot: IFF inoperative. Service Engineer: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Qantas Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Service Engineer: That's what they're for.
Qantas Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Service Engineer: DME volume set to more believable level.
Qantas Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Service Engineer: Evidence removed.
Qantas Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Service Engineer: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Qantas Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Service Engineer: Live bugs on back-order.cockpit.
Qantas Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Service Engineer: Something tightened in
Qantas Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Service Engineer: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Qantas Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.... Service Engineer: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

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