Wednesday, December 28, 2011

STUCK but TRICKED out...

Alright let me give you a background for the incident which occurred 2 years ago. I had,( uh… still have even after the incident) a friend named Tyson. Now the thing is his mom was one of the teachers in our school. She used to teach ‘Science’ to the higher secondary students.


The year began and we all entered the senior year in our school, we entered higher secondary. Unfortunately we found out that Tyson’s mom was to teach us science for the entire year. And I didn’t say ‘unfortunately’ just for nothing…she is not the person you will actually like to have as a teacher in your formative years.

From our seniors to everyone in our class used to curse her for the way she taught. But never in front of Tyson.

It was a fine afternoon. I, Tyson and another friend of mine were talking, when suddenly the topic ‘Science’ came in the picture! And I being the blabber-mouth started with-

“That Bitch has ruined my entire interest in science!”





 And bam! I did the forbidden. I realized what I just said…it was horrible. Both of them stared at me with wide eyes.

 I had to do something, it couldn’t continue further like this.

“Arey… Viraj, (He’s the other guy there) I was talking about our tuition teacher man she is bad…”

When suddently out of nowhere Tyson said,

“Why are you changing the topic, Soutik? I know you are talking about my mom.”

I was totally flummoxed; my plan didn’t work at all. What was I supposed to do? Suddenly I couldn’t find anything to say. My soul is soaking up shame like a sponge and I am beginning to weigh the value of my friendships against the magnitude of my embarrassment.  

But I kept a tight upper lip. I didn’t stumble upon. 

With my voice barely leaving my throat I said,

“What? No seriously I didn’t say anything about her…why are you…”

“No Soutik, even I know she teaches not quite good.”

This was the only way out of this I had.

“Seriously Tyson, you are really shameless. Don’t talk about your mom like that! Even we don’t say such bad stuff about your mom.”




And by the grace of God, his mom entered the room right at that time, and with ecstasy fueling my adrenaline, even before greeting her I almost shouted,

“Maam! Look what Tyson is saying, he’s saying that he doesn’t like your teaching! How you say such a thing Tyson?”

The fury which overtook his mom’s face was frightening but I was happy cause now the conversation was over I was out and now it was Tyson’s turn to face his mom.

His mom took him to his room pulling his ear, he screaming his guts out pleading sorry. And then as the door banged behind them, all we could hear was the shouting and pleading.

I and Viraj sneaked out of the place.

With the blank look on his face Viraj asked,

“Dude what the hell did you just do?”

With the composure of a mature man (remember I was only 14 at that time.) I said,

“Nothing… just got out a really sticky situation!”

 It felt heaven…


P.S.: I am really sorry for this Tyson...I didn't intend to write a blog post. But the prize for this competition are too lucrative... :P

Sunday, December 11, 2011

She...

She is always there,
From the tethering day,
to the smothering night.
 I find her beside.

No matter how bad I treat,
No matter how much I hate,
She stays,
Without much complains.

 She isn't any ordinary girl,
She's the most important one,
But I don't know what makes me scream,
' I hate you Bitch!', awake and in dreams.

 The instance she tries to abscond,
I beg her to stay forever,
I know i am nothing without her,
Still I never valued her.

 Its not only me,
Everyone has one like her,
Think on this,
She's the girl called 'LIFE'...

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

3 Years to INHERIT INHERITANCE !!!

It was three years since I finished reading Brisingr, book 3 of the Inheritance cycle, and then on November 9 the 4th and final installment of the series released-Inheritance! It is awesome to receive a copy of the book...surely three years is quite a long time, but now it is 860 pages of complete bliss :) (Thank god Chistopher added the history of Eragon, Eldest and Brisingr in the prefactory part...I had almost forgotten the details :P)

http://shurtugal.com/

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I shall Avenge!


They say that I can’t, ‘No way you just can’t!’,
Questions of doubt when I try, I’m a looser to them,
‘I have and will always loose’, says even my aunt,
But am I the one to listen to them?

No! I shall avenge my pride,
I shall fight until I die,
I will tell them, I never hide,
I will be victorious, I shall defeat them in their stride.

They are looser, trying to pull me down,
But their strings aren’t strong to hold me on,
I will float, no matter how bad they want me to drown,
I will live my glory as long as I belong.

The world is wrong, not me,
And I shall change the way it is,
I ruin anyone who is up against me,
Cause I will not tolerate the way it is!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

An Ode to Jobs...


He had an apple, unlike Newton’s, it was half eaten,
It somehow fell on his head, and he rediscovered the fruit,
Making people say ‘iPhone!’, whenever anyone named the fruit,
The fruit, became a legend  unbeaten.

You know I am talking about whom,
He was the role model of many,
The visionary not like any,
The world needed him, without him it wouldn’t have bloomed.

Stevie, an elixir of brains and devotion,
The person, every individual wanted to be,
He made the ‘mac’ and the ‘i’,
He made the world go crazy with the 'Apple' commotion.

He won many battles, but lost the one with his life,
Surrendering to his pancreas, he breathe his last,
For every tech enthusiast, a magician was lost,
The news made every heart skip a beat, that’s what he was.
 www.apple.com

Sunday, August 21, 2011

An hour in our class...

Ten in the morning and we enter the class,
Run to the end and occupy the last,
The tardy heave a sigh of alas,
They are the strawman, we enjoy our laugh.

As the proffessor enters, we shut oursleves,
But then she calls, ' last benchers, ahead',
We try to hid from her evil eyes,
But all in vain as we fail in all our tries.

Saddend faces, we leave our thrones,
Slugging our way to the pauper's thrones,
Then she starts, with all her words,
Our heads bowed donw in sleepy worlds.

She chugs her way into the syllabus,
When we all say, 'ab bus!',
Bored to the extreme we resort to play,
Guess the word and find the place.

Your friends diaries are your best mates,
They are the ones, your sleep-preventing buddies,
Once foes, you are now best buddies,
You point the place, victory, no worries.

Here comes most important thing, the attendance sheet,
We fill it with signs and proxys,
The clock hits eleven and we shout,
'Ma'am time's up, leave us right now!'

She packs the things and readies to leave,
When we turn and talk, our hearts out till it sates,
But then comes the cold and irksome face,
Of the next teacher and the same story repeats once again...

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Nurture the Nature...



Screaming, shouting, she calls for help,
Buzzing, guzzling we destroy her realm.


Cutting, thrashing through the greens,
Building the mansion for our dreams.


We are superior, we call her weak,
Nothing can stop us, not even she.


Her patience knows no bounds, as she waits,
And waits, when we try to bring her down.


But as she stirs, in agony and pain,
We feel the tremors, it’s time to break.


But we are superior, we don’t bow,
It’s her to adjust, nothing can stop us now.


As we torture her to the extreme,
She tries to save us by all her means.


She will never let us suffer, that holds true,
Till she collapses, with us all bemused.


She’s not good, we scream in pain,
Cruel, brutal we all blame.


Weren’t we superior, and she weak?
Then why is the mighty afraid of the meek?


Nature never meant to hurt,
Still trying to help us but…


It’s over the brim, she can’t handle,
Time has come when we pay in handsome.


There is time, still left to pass,
Stop this torture and repair the loss.


Cause we should understand, it’s she who rules,
We are just creatures,  we ain’t here to rule!


So stop this cruel, brutal act,
Going GREEN is not that bad.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Demi Lovato- An Inspiration!!!


Yesterday, Demi Lovato spoke candidly On Air with Ryan Seacrest about her time in rehab and her new song “Skyscraper.” She revealed that recording the song was an extremely emotional and cathartic experience for her. Her ultra personal interview with Ryan had everyone wondering what the music video would be like. Well, Lovatics, wonder no more! Here’s your first look at the “Skyscraper” music video! It’s definitely something different but we have only good things to say about this fresh new look and sound for the popstar!
Listen to Demi Lovato Talk About Her Time In Treatment [VIDEO]
The “Skyscraper” video is visually stunning and one of the most moving music videos we have ever seen. Demi and director Mark Pellington have captured the depressing essence of Demi’s recent transgressions and created something of a rebirth for the Disney star. Instead of her usual colorful, bright, and fun music videos, Demi is pictured against a bare and naked landscape in the Salt Flats desert.
Listen To Demi Talk About The 12 Hour Desert Production of “Skyscraper”
The video seems to be an artistic expression of Demi’s past problems and the heights and success she has yet to reach rather than a literal interpretation of the song’s title. The shattering heart is an especially powerful allusion- perhaps it parallels Demi’s breaking confidence as her insecurities overwhelmed her before she sought treatment.

Demi Lovato Reveals New Cross Tattoo [PHOTO]
This video is emotional not only for Demi herself, but for viewers and fans, as well. There are moments when she holds a piercing gaze directly into the camera, clearly fighting her tears. These shocking and painful shots tug at the heartstrings of viewers. Revealing and poignant, the music video marks a milestone for Demi. Now that she has concluded her treatment in rehab, she has recognized that her problems are not over.
Demi Lovato Thanks Fans for Getting Her Through ‘Darkest Time of Her Life’ [VIDEO]
“Skyscraper” points out that she will have to face her problems for the rest of her life. It looks like Demi is on the right path, though: seeking relief through music is a great way to manage pressure and stress. The “Skyscraper” video is a heart wrenching exposé into Demi’s journey of personal struggles, recovery, and finally, success. We love it! Do you? Sound off below!
Skyscraper Lyrics
Skies are crying
I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence as it’s ending, like we never had a chance
Do you have to, make me feel like there is nothing left of me?
[Chorus]
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I’m made of glass
Like I’m made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!
[Demi Lovato]
As the smoke clears
I awaken, and untangle you from me
Would it make you, feel better to watch me while I bleed?
All my windows, still are broken
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!
[Bridge]
Go run, run, run
I’m gonna stay right here
Watch you disappear, yeah
Go run, run, run
Yeah it’s a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here
[Demi Lovato]
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I’m made of glass
Like I’m made of paper, Oh
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!

Courtesy Ryan Seacrest

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Meaning of signs...




Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
Pakde gaye to khana free.

Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.

A traffic slogan:
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough
or else they never will be.

THE BEST ONE:
Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.
- Indian Armed Forces

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

To Chester (Who forgets himself) and To me(Who wants to)



I smoke in chains, to make my head go a-spin,
I quench my thirst on a tonic and gin.
Yet I don’t get numb; no spell to break the curse
So I sit at my table and write some free verse.

Alas hades, even that won't cheer my broken-heart blues.
However do I get rid of this jinx?
Thus I grab my clubs, and put on my plus-fours,
And trod off for a game on the links.

I hold the wood, my "ee on the ba'"2
And "drive 'em straight", not short nor far;
Missing the bunker and over the lake,
A perfect swing, that’s hard to make.

The brassie-shot, I "dinna press"3,
Right on the green, so far.
I take my putter; hole out in two,
Doing it all one under par!

Oh the joy, in this noblest game!
Puts all the wounds and sorrows to shame.
So, I tee the ball and take an aim,
Keep my "heid still"4; do it all again.

I beat the pro. with a sixty-five,
In amazement he says, "Gosh!"
A woman, you know, is only a woman,
But a hefty drive is a slosh.









1. Chester Forgets Himself (title of a short story)
2. Eye on the ball
3. Do not press
4. Head still

This one is essentially a product of two Wodehouse quotes.
1. Love has had a lot of press-agenting from the oldest times; but there are higher, nobler things than love. A woman is only a woman, but a hefty drive is a slosh. (A Woman Is Only A Woman from The Clicking Of Cuthbert)
2. In similar circumstances (heart-breaks) those who have not had a sound training in golf are too apt to go wrong. Goaded by the sudden anguish, they take to drink, plunge into dissipation, and write vers libre. (Chester Forgets Himself from The Heart of a Goof)
Most other quotes and ideas are also from Wodehouse – except the heart-break, of course.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

A Day with my friends…




Left our homes, to enjoy the day,
Off to someplace, on a majestic day,
Jolly as ever, we all meet in hugs and praises,
‘Catch the train!’, someone raises.

Running, hoping to make it,
The train speeds, we still hop on it,
Sighing in relief, we drop on the seats,
The engine thugs, as our heart slows the beats.

Making fun of one another, we reached,
Living life to the fullest, was what we preached,
Like little toy soldiers, we marched on the pathway,
A little loud, we talked like we were on a mad-way.

Nothing could have ruined, the day had to be the best,
Jumping, until the screen said ‘no seats left’,
Sullen faces, sunk in deep mentation,
How can this be? We weren’t ready for this position.

Blaming each other, we searched other screens,
In newspapers, the net, we did everything,
But the city was short of options, to suffice us,
There wasn’t a cinema, I was the dufus.

Too late, but hopes still high,
We make to someplace, thankfully it was nigh,
Waited a long time, bored to the extreme,
Trudging through the mall, we ate munchies.

Five forty five, the time arrived,
Racing before anyone, we got ourselves inducted,
The credits displayed, excitement fluxed,
We chilled through, and out of the multiplex.


Weary of the day, we boarded the train,
Back home, crushed by the herd of hoi polloi,
About ten in the night, we reached home,
Then came the part, got scolded by our mom… 

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Phone Messages at a Psych Ward!!!



  • ·         If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

  • ·         If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

  • ·         If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

  • ·         If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

  • ·         If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

  • ·         If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

  • ·         If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

  • ·         If menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.You won't be crazy forever.
  • ·         If you are bipolar,please leave a msg after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.Wait for the beep

  • ·         If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

  • ·         If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Can Carbon put copper down for the count???




Copper interconnects carry current in today's integrated circuits, but in the nanometer-size future, the metal just won't do the job. At December's IEEE 2010 International Electron Devices Meeting, in San Francisco, European researchers plan to announce that they're one step closer to a replacement. Nanotubes made of carbon, if grown in dense bundles, can transport large quantities of charge through tiny channels reliably. As part of the European ViaCarbon project, a team led by Jean Dijon, the head of nanotube research at the French government research organization CEA LITEN in Grenoble, says they've grown the densest bundles yet, packing 2.5 trillion carbon nanotubes per square centimeter. The density of their interconnects is within an order of magnitude of what's needed for replacing copper. In the future, such bundles have the potential to exceed copper's current-carrying capabilities by a factor of 100.

Copper needs a replacement particularly in the narrow pegs, called vias, that connect the silicon surface to the chips' wiring and connect one layer of wiring to another. According to the 2009 International Technology Roadmap for Semiconductors, engineers predict that as the features on chips shrink, not only will copper vias be more difficult to manufacture and suffer from more resistance, but by 2015 they may not work at all.

Vias start as holes etched into a layer of dielectric. Depositing copper ions from an electrolyte fills the holes, but at the nanometer scale, the metal could cling to the walls, leaving gaps. Also, the vias' walls must be lined with a metal nitride barrier to keep copper from seeping into the surrounding dielectric. The liner wastes space and increases resistance.
Engineers are also concerned that copper vias will prove unreliable at future nanometer-scale dimensions. Skinnier copper means that current density and resistivity both increase. Together, those factors cause the interconnects to heat up and break. "For each new generation, as dimensions decrease, current densities increase and will soon approach the copper limit," says Murielle Fayolle-Lecocq, a microelectronics engineer who worked on the new nanotube vias at France's CEA-LETI.

Carbon nanotubes have the perfect shape for fitting into future vias' voids: "Naturally, they're tall and thin," says the leader of the ViaCarbon project, John Robertson, who is an electrical engineering professor at the University of Cambridge, in England.

The team's goal was to grow dense bundles of narrow nanotubes. Although nanotubes are usually championed for their ability to carry charge long distances with little resistance, quantum interactions in individual nanotubes can actually give them more resistance than the copper interconnects they're meant to replace.

Bundles of parallel nanotubes can solve that problem by providing multiple channels for electricity to flow. That lowers the nanotubes' effective resistance, making them seem like many individual resistors connected in parallel, says Robertson. Using nanotubes with only a few layers and carefully selecting the material on which they grow will ensure that the tubes have a small diameter and thus increase the possible bundle density.

If packed densely enough, these bundles can carry about 1 billion amperes per square centimeter, around 100 times copper's limit. But they haven't reached that ideal yet. Although the team has packed the tubes 10 times as densely as others, Robertson says, to match copper's conductivity they will need to increase the density by another factor of 10, to around 30 trillion nanotubes per square centimeter.

Adrian Ionescu, head of the Nanolab at École Polytechnique Fédérale de Lausanne and a contributor to the nanotube via project, adds that the team will need to improve the tubes' contact with the metal horizontal interconnects in integrated circuits. Ionescu believes that in the future, nanotubes—or a combination of nanotubes and graphene sheets—could replace the copper in even these horizontal interconnects.

"They still have to increase the density by quite a bit," says Kaustav Banerjee, director of the Nanoelectronics Research Lab at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who was not involved in the research. But, he adds, "this is definitely a significant improvement and very positive news."

Gadgets, Oh Gadgets!


A short poem composed by me which describes, my views on gadgets…


Click here to experience the change...

Gadgets, Oh Gadgets!
We live on thee,
For thou art the future,
We strive to be.

You are captivating,
Your presence is fascinating,
We maketh thee,
Thou in turn maketh us.

Are we so dependent?
To depend on thee?
Or is it thee that’s,
Compelling us to use thee.

Gadgets, Oh gadget!
We live on thee,
But thou no longer the future,
Cause future is what we maketh…

 

An old saying goes this way,

“We are what we eat.”

But today, no matter what you eat, it’s always what gadgets you have that determine what you are. An iPad in your hand boasts that you are with the technological advances that are taking place. A high end mobile phone resembles your status symbol.
It’s pretty common nowadays when we meet someone and exchange telephone numbers, and the other person says that he has no mobile phone, you without any second thoughts think that the fellow is sick not to carry a mobile.

The world is fast growing into a place which will have more gadgets than cockroaches! From headphones to PCs, just count the number of electronic devices around you which you use daily. I’m sure the count won’t be below 10. So 10 things which you can’t live without are GADGETS!!!

But do gadgets actually tell others what we are? It all depends on ones thinking and view on life. For a person who believes money is the most important part of life, will think owning a costly and flamboyant gadget develops his portrait in front of people. On the other hand the one who thinks that the values which he/she holds are important is least bothered to care which gadget may increase their face value, cause their values are the one which is will help set their value.

To my opinion gadgets are important. In today’s world things happen smoothly with them. They help but they are not the need. Gadgets may lift your value in front of others in the first meet, but slowly as their luster fade it is your personality which shines and puts a permanent impression on the minds of people.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Got to keep moving on...



Early morning by the river,
I sit and quiver,
To the unholy wind,
That blew within,
It’s a demon,
Which ruined this human,
For all I remember is the darkness,
After the surreal.

It was a mistake gaze,
That caught me amazed,
It was the start of the game,
The first half of the blame,
Back then I never knew,
You lead to tears, no few,
Cause I never knew that,
Life could be a demon’s avenue.

The day was bright,
And my spirits high,
It couldn’t had been better ,
For life to turn this bitter,
You walked away from me,
Throwing away all the memories,
Now all I see is your picture,
Girl, I want to see you no more.

As I sit by the river and quivered,
She held me from behind and uttered,
‘Keep all your worries in my pocket,
I’ve got a key so we can lock it,
I swear I won’t let them escape.’
‘But how do I believe, you wouldn’t be another mistake?’
She whispered, ‘Yesterday’s gone,
And you got to keep moving on…’ 

Friday, June 10, 2011

I Doubt...



They say that I’m insane,
Losing my mind for you is lame,
Do they matter to me? I asked,
Will they ever understand me? I doubt.

Your smile is what my heart beats for,
Your voice is what it craves for,
I see you all the time,
But did you ever find me, anytime?

I follow you here and there,
Wherever you go, I trail,
Did you ever look back to see me?
Or was the thing only in me?

Fleeing from the fright,
That they may be right,
You always listen to them,
But does it matter when I say, ahem?

They say that I’m insane,
Losing my mind for you is lame,
Does it matter to you? I ask,
Will you ever understand this? I doubt…




Saturday, June 4, 2011

Author Sherry Soule: Win a free ARC copy! Yay!

Author Sherry Soule: Win a free ARC copy! Yay!: "Contest Rules: To win a copy of this young adult novel, you have to be a follower of this blog, and follow me on Twitter , and friend me on..."

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Really beauty lies within...




In a recent converse with my friend, we came across the topic about beautiful girls. My friend was eying someone who was considered to be the best looking girl in his class. Totally smitten by her beauty, he was continuously blabbering about her smile, her eyes, her nose, and he went on and on. Phew! I had a tough time to listen to all this, but somewhere in the middle of the conversation, I started wondering what real beauty is?

Pondering over it, I realized it wasn’t all about the external appearance that matters the most, it’s about the inner beauty also. But do our eyes give us that comfort to view the inner beauty? No way, our sense of vision is way too faint to reason out the real beauty of a person. We all fall for what we see on the outside. We are slaves to the beautiful outside. Talking about us teens, we eventually fall in attraction with a girl who clearly is a treat for the eye.

But when we be with a person for long enough we realize that no matter how beautiful he/she is on the outside, we can’t stand them if they act all ugly through their actions and activities. A person sober in behavior, humble in actions and caring in dealing is far too preferred that an arrogant, self-centered or proud person. So centering on the thought it is what lies inside which matters, the outside beauty will wither away with time, but what’s inside will always remain with us.

To put it in a nutshell
'Beauty is simple reality seen with the eyes of love.'
So, no matter what you look like in the mirror, your behavior will always pave the path for everyone to look beyond the obvious and acknowledge you, though it may take time, but its worth the wait.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

War


Probably this is the first time I'm doing something like this, i.e to post an article linked to someone else's blog.
But the article was something that I could resist sharing with you all.
If you want to read it just click on the article heading or click here...

New Dog Hybrids!!!


  • Bulldog + Shih-Tsu = Bullsh*t, a dog who never tells the truth
  • Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
  • Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
  • Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
  • Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
  • Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financia  advisers
  • Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
  • Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh & clean as a whistle
  • Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
  • Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
  • Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
  • Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
  • Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Saturday, May 7, 2011

They're witty!!!


(ACTUAL MAINTENANCE COMPLAINTS SUBMITTED BY QANTAS' AIRLINE PILOTS & THE SOLUTIONS RECORDED BY MAINTENANCE ENGINEERS. )


 
Qantas Pilot: Noise under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding with a hammer. Service Engineer: Took hammer away from midget.
Qantas Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Service Engineer: Cat installed.
Qantas Pilot: Target radar hums. Service Engineer: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Qantas Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Service Engineer: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Qantas Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Service Engineer: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Qantas Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Service Engineer: Suspect you're right.
Qantas Pilot: IFF inoperative. Service Engineer: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Qantas Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Service Engineer: That's what they're for.
Qantas Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Service Engineer: DME volume set to more believable level.
Qantas Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Service Engineer: Evidence removed.
Qantas Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Service Engineer: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Qantas Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Service Engineer: Live bugs on back-order.cockpit.
Qantas Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Service Engineer: Something tightened in
Qantas Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Service Engineer: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Qantas Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.... Service Engineer: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Bill Gates VS. General Motors!


Bill Gates said
 "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry, we would be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles per gallon."

In response GM said:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics...

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway 4 no reason. U would have to...
U could continue.
a] pull over b] close all windows c] shut off the car d] restart it e] reopen the windows before ....For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart... in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car powered by the sun, reliable, 5 times as fast & twice as easy 2 drive -but would run on only 5% of the roads.

6. Oil, water temp, & alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying....lock U out & refuse 2 let U in until U simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key & grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

8. Occasionally, 4 no reason, your car would....

9. Every time a new car is released U would have 2 learn 2 drive all over again cause the controls wouldn't operate the same as Ur old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

PRISON v.s. WORK..


Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit clearer.....


PRISON...the guard locks & unlocks all the doors for you. WORK...you must carry around a security card & open all the doors for yourself.
PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour. WORK...you get more work for good behaviour.
PRISON...you get three meals a day. WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
PRISON.. you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. WORK...you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
PRISON...you can watch TV and play games. WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
PRISON...you get your own toilet. WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. WORK...you can't even speak to your family.
PRISON...taxpayers pay all expenses - no work required. WORK...U get 2 pay the expenses 2 go 2 work & they deduct taxes 2 pay 4 prisoners.
PRISON...U spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out & go inside bars.
PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens. WORK...they are called managers and directors.